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Mar. 27th, 2012

The Art of "Journalling"

Dear Myself

I am trying to create a list of habits that I would like to instil in my day-to-day life, one of them being "journalling." I have't decided when I am going to incorporate this habit, as in what time of day. Ideally I see myself sitting in bed working on a fancy iPad or APPLE laptop. Given that I have neither of those, nor the internet right now, during work hours seems appropriate.

Here are some other habits I would like to incorporate: meditate, read the Bible, laundry, grocery shop, alone time, body shower, read, watch the news, drink green tea, listen to a book on tape, workout, phone call to 1 friend, tv.

Some of those seem silly but they are on my list and I find some sort of comfort in routine, so if I could get on the same routine (most of the time) mayb eI would find some peace in my crazy head and life.

Also monthly goals would be a good habit to add to the list. Things that I want to get done by the end of the month.

And AFFIRMATIONS. Man do I sound looney.

Be back later.

Love,
Youself.

Apr. 5th, 2010

butterflies

i love this feeling. hving a crush, missing them when u aren't near them, wondering how they feel about u, analyzing every single move they make deeper than u kno is sane. scared that one wrong move will change the course of ur future together. replaying every single moment u spent together in ur head. staring at the phone wondering if they will call or text.

hehe =)

Mar. 18th, 2010

Long time

It's been awhile since I posted on here. Probably trying to survive the inevitable break up which inspired all my old and depressing posts. It's been 2 years almost and I have been sadly, happier than I have been in a long time. Happy to have my confidence back, my independence back, and my smile back. Thank you for making me stronger.

For the past 2 years, I have sealed myself off from love. I did not want to meet anyone or even think that there was any man out there for me worth loving or being hurt over again.

I am starting to heal, obviously, I do want to find true love again. I want to open up again and believe that I am lovable.

Last night I spent St. Patty's day (one of my favorite holidays), alone in bed with a now empty bottle of 2buckchuck. So depressing.

The good news is I am over you. After all this time, I can say that and not look behind me to see doubt in my friends' eyes. I can breathe again. Now I want to feel alive again.

Jan. 22nd, 2009

(no subject)

i just wrote the longest entry and then prressed one damn button and it was all gone. wonderful.

Sep. 27th, 2008

(no subject)

im so lonely. my best friend in the whole world just got engaged and i cant stop crying. i feel like i am losing her and im so sad.

Jun. 24th, 2008

(no subject)

so this is  what it feels like to get cheated on ... ouch. this is what it feels like to never want to wake up again.

4 years together and this is how it ends. fuck this hurts.  

Jun. 16th, 2008

stay awake

 i am soooooo tired.. i miss being a kid... im at work falling asleep in my chair... i nevrrrrr drink coffee and this morning im chuggin the stuff! ew. soon ill be shaking and not happy! long meeting to go to in 15 minutes! so much homework to do... not enough time to sleep =( i miss my friends, practically loaner status right now. and im so confused about life

Jun. 4th, 2008

(no subject)

im ready to walk away, i cant help but always feel like im beggin u to give me a day in ur life... im always such a burden to u. i could write a book on all the excuses u have and other things in ur busy schedule that keep u away from me. i cry way to much bc i feel like u dont love me as much as you would love some other girl that meets ur unrealistic expectations of me. i have literally given up on that "cant eat cant sleep reach for the stars" love that ive had before and never really had with u bc i never let myself. u keep me at such a distance and on the back burner like im always going to be here. i put u on such a high pedastle and u enjoy looking down at me all the time. something about u just doesnt want to experience the full fledging love affair that i want with u so bad. and im never gunna have that part of u am i? i love you so much i could seriously just lay in bed all day in ur arms and be the happiest girl in the world, but u will never be able to give me a day out of ur life to show u wat love like that feels like... im not enough of the girl u want to be with maybe then ud care to sit in a little traffic just to see me.... we are never gunna be that for each other bc i sure as hell am not gunna rub ur feet for the rest of our lives while u watch the game and drink a beer. 

thats wat it really comes down to after all of this. i dont want to leave this relationship hating each other anymore than we do now.... i dont want to leave this as broken as i already am, im at ur mercy every minute just hoping that ull love me just a glimpse of how i want to be loved and how much i want to love u.

Jan. 7th, 2008

(no subject)

i hope this smile doesnt fade.... 

im in love all over again. same guy. 3rd year.

what else is new right?

Dec. 29th, 2007

(no subject)

am i really that hard to love

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